Why is it that we always feel like we’re the only ones? That we’re alone in our struggles, doubts, anxieties and guilt?
Because without a doubt … we are all the same in these feelings.
I asked readers to answer four questions in a quick survey. I read with a heavy heart the same answer after answer.
You were all the same: I want balance, to be calmer, a whole life, to achieve, to grow, to lose weight and be healthy and happy.
You were all the same: I’m held back by mother guilt, perfectionism, fear, fatigue and anxiety, a lack of self-worth and self-confidence, I don’t believe in myself, I’m overwhelmed.
We are all the same, do you see? Never alone.
We all feel like we’re the only ones who are getting it wrong. That we are the only ones who are failing at this shiz that is life-with-kids.
We all feel at some stage that everyone else is doing ‘it’ (everything) better than us.
We all feel at some stage that we aren’t as good as someone else.
We all feel overwhelmed by it all.
So lets call it a draw, OK? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Mine (my story) is out there for all to see. But if you need reinforcement, here it is: I’ve sobbed on the floor feeling like I’m shit at everything. I’ve felt like I’m alone in my struggles. I’ve felt guilty for feeling crappy when I have so much to be grateful for. I’ve doubted my ability to do anything and everything. I’ve beat myself up many, many times – I am by far my harshest critic and I can do no right sometimes.
The only difference between me and you right now is that I have learned to get out of my own way.
I’m not living in some perfect paradise. I still have doubts, my inner critic bitches at me, fear bubbles away. I don’t always eat well, I still sometimes look at other women and feel a pang of the less-thans, and there are still days when I freak-the-fuck-out about getting shit right.
I’ve learned that these thoughts are just stories. And they pass if I don’t buy into them. I choose, sometimes with difficulty, not to invest in them and just let them pass by. You can too.
Eckhart Tolle speaks of there being two of us. There’s the real us, the being that truly exists in the moment, and then a shadow-us made up of our stories – a shadow that stands at our shoulder, telling these stories over and over again until we believe that is who we are. (I dare you to go read some Eckhart after a few wines and not spin out!).
This shadow-you is the inner critic and who you ‘think’ you are: she is the one who says what you’re not capable of, not deserving of, not enough of. She is the one that has been shaped over the years by the stories that you are this way: good at sport, not good at sport; intelligent, or not; high achiever, or not: shy or brave; introvert or extrovert; responsible or a flake; beautiful or plain. She is where your self-limiting beliefs stem from.
She’s just telling stories.
You don’t have to keep doing that to yourself. THAT is the only thing that ever stops you from having the life you want – your stories and the choices you make because of them.
You are not alone. You are not less deserving than anyone else, or less capable, or less anything. We all have those thoughts – it’s whether you choose to believe them or not that is the difference between achieving your goals or not.
Choose not to eat the junk food. Choose not to buy into the drama. Choose to take the time out you need. Choose to go for that goal you really want. Get out of your own way!
Thank you to those ladies who answered my questions in my little survey. I’ll be doing my best to craft some content for you to help you achieve what it is you want and move past the blocks that are stopping you.
If you’d like to answer the four questions, you can do it here. It’s completely anonymous.
So tell me, do you ever feel like you’re the only one to feel the way you do?